


Two Left Feet

by LunarShipper



Category: The Order of the Stick
Genre: Aggressive Dancing, Belvaar, IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, Other, The loves of my life, i ship it like fedex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-28 18:16:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8456779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarShipper/pseuds/LunarShipper





	1. Chapter 1

Roy was the last to sit down at the table, as he had been holding the door for the monarch respectfully. As he sat down at the opposite end of the long table, fingers crossed, he cleared his throat and spoke. “Now, Miss Vespa. What is it you wanted to discuss?”  
The monarch brushed her long blonde hair out of the way and smiled politely. “Well my dear boy, you have no doubt heard of my son’s upcoming marriage to the nearby elven town’s mistress. I fear for my son’s life and –upon hearing of your exploits- would like very much to hire your party as bodyguards for the night of the event.”  
“Aw, a wedding? Who’s the lucky lady?” Haley added, chipper as she smiled at the queen.  
“An elven princess. The marriage –while arranged- seems to be working out for the two. The bond is supposed to be combining our clans of humans and elves to try to end the enmity between us. As a result, though…” She added, looking at the two short nonhumans in the group, “Only humans and elves will be attending. Sending in a dwarf or a halfling would set off alarm bells to everyone there; they’d know who you were.”  
“Who wants to go to a dumb wedding anyways?” Belkar grumbled. Vaarsuvius, who had been sitting next to him, nudged him with their shoulder.   
Durkon nodded “I understan’. Weddin’s be a par’icular affair. We best not be interferin.”  
“Well I’ve already introduced myself to your son, so that’s a no-go…” Roy began listing off members of the Order. “Belkar and Durkon aren’t the appropriate race, Elan would get too caught up in the atmosphere, and Haley would try to make off with the ring-”   
“I would not!” Haley interrupted.   
There was a pause.  
“You rolled a nat 1 for Bluff.” Belkar whispered out of the corner of his mouth.  
“Yeah. I know.” Haley’s eyes narrowed bitterly.  
“So it looks like Vaarsuvius will have to go solo.” Roy concluded. “That okay with you, V?”  
“While I in no way doubt my ability to exterminate any and all interruptions, are you sure it is wise to only send in one of our members? Surely an alternative means of caution should be applied.” The wizard explained, gesturing with their hands as they spoke.  
“Well I believe I have an idea.” The monarch spoke in her dainty voice. “Do you perchance have access to the spell ‘Enlarge Person?’”  
“Why, yes I do.”  
“Then you could use it on your halfling friend there.” She pointed to Belkar. “And he would appear human.”  
“Hmm.” Vaarsuvius put a hand to their chin in thought as they looked over at Belkar. “An interesting proposal. It would be prudent to have allies –even unreliable allies- to assist.”  
“Unreliable? What do you mean by that?” Belkar scoffed.  
“I mean your incessant tongue and tendency to fits of rage would be quite unfitting at such an affair.” They looked over at him with narrowed eyes.  
“Well it’s uptight and overrated, so it fits you just fine.” He grumbled, crossing his arms.  
“Anyways…” Roy cleared his throat, trying to break up the fight before it begun. “Belkar and Vaarsuvius will go –Belkar disguised as a human- and the rest of us will be on standby.”  
\----The Wedding  
Vaarsuvius stepped into the room, their dress shoes making a quiet click against the floor. Looking around, they listened to the jovial music and took in the scene.   
Belkar was nowhere to be seen –then again, Vaarsuvius had not seen him since the planning stages of the job, during which he had seemed to have not been paying attention. They sighed, not putting it past him to have forgotten entirely.   
Looking around, the spectacle was quite lovely. Glass chandeliers hung from the ceiling, flames glittering in the crystal. The floor was filled with dancing elves and humans, and the room was abundant with pleasant chattering. The atmosphere was very charming, and despite Vaarsuvius’s reservations about their assignment they felt somewhat alleviated.  
They made their way over to the tables where the food and drink were stored. After perusing the display for a moment they settled on a cup of fine elven wine.   
Suddenly, a voice spoke to them. Far too close for comfort.  
“Hello there.”  
Turning around with a raised eyebrow, Vaarsuvius found themself face-to-face with a tall human. His skin was tanned and his eyes were hazel. He flashed a winning smile at the elf and held out a hand. Vaarsuvius took it and politely shook it with their free hand. “Greetings.” They spoke, unimpressed with his overly charismatic display.  
“Name’s Adminster Randolph.” He leaned down and kissed their hand, which Vaarsuvius pulled back in distaste. “Pleasure to meet you…?”  
“Vaarsuvius.” They wiped their hand on their robe unbeknownst to their company.  
“Would you care to dance? I’ll tell you all about our little city and maybe you can come over later.”   
Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes. “No, I think not. I have business to attend to. Good day.” They began to briskly walk away.  
A hand grabbed theirs, pulling the wizard back.   
“Wait.” His voice was aggressive, but he seemed to realize his mistake and cleared his throat. “Please. I, uh…”   
Vaarsuvius tugged their hand free and glared at him. “I do not accept your advances. Kindly leave me to my own devices.”  
The man squared up his shoulders angrily, and Vaarsuvius did the same to match him, not backing down. The two glared at each other for what seemed like hours, both too strong-willed to accept defeat.  
“Hey, there you are! C’mon, let’s go.” A male voice came up and, before Vaarsuvius knew what was happening they were being ushered away from Adminster and into the crowd. Looking over at their usher, they had to keep from dropping their jaw.   
It was a humanlike Belkar Bitterleaf. He was dressed in a green sweater vest over a white long-sleeved shirt. He wasn’t looking at them, instead looking over his shoulder to check for the man the two had just left.   
“Bitterleaf!” Vaarsuvius hissed, jerking themself away. “What Neanderthalic idea has taken root in your primitive excuse for a brain?”   
“You were starting to make a scene. People were staring. We’re trying to not get caught, remember?” He growled back, turning back to look at them and stopped.  
They were dressed elegantly, in a pure white robe that flowed as they walked. But the most catching thing about the elf was their purple hair, which they had freed from their ponytail and let cascade down past their shoulders. It was a rather different Vaarsuvius than what he was used to.  
Snapping himself from his thoughts, he remembered he was trying to argue with Vaarsuvius. Ignoring the fact that he hadn’t heard a word they had just said, he pushed the elf further along, much to their silent protests and painful elbowing.  
“Bitterleaf I must insist you leave me now.” The elf hissed, jerking their arm free from their companion’s grasp.   
“Sure, fine, just don’t make a scene.” He grumbled, glaring down at them. Funny, to be looking down at someone. He wasn’t used to it, but he liked it. It made him feel more powerful.   
“I think you’ll find we are in the midst of one as we speak.” Vaarsuvius shot back.  
Belkar looked around and found this to be true; people were watching. He waved a hand for them to go back to what they were doing, smiling widely at them. “Don’t mind us. Just a lover’s quarrel.”   
Vaarsuvius made a strangled noise of outrage. With this, people began going back to their own doings. Relieved, Belkar looked back to Vaarsuvius only to find himself confronted with blazing purple eyes.   
“What.” They hissed through clenched teeth. “Illusion. Are. You. Under?”  
Belkar grinned. He loved seeing Vaarsuvius mad, the fire in their eyes was incomparable. “Look, we need to get through one night without attracting attention. All the ladies will be all over me unless they think I have a date.”  
“Surely.” They growled, furious.   
“And you need Mr. Grabby over there to leave you alone.” He jerked his head in the direction of the man who had approached Vaarsuvius.  
The wizard looked over in concern that the man had been pursuing them. “I am perfectly capable of fending off suitors by myself.”  
“So what’s the problem?” He insisted.  
“The problem.” They pinched the bridge of their nose. “Is that we are not nor even in the realm of possibility of being a romantic pair.”  
“Fake it.” He hissed under his breath, seeing a person or two look over at them.   
Vaarsuvius growled something unclear under their breath and grabbed his hand roughly. Belkar’s breath hitched involuntarily and he allowed himself to be led further into the crowd. He willed himself to calm his beating heart, as the two have had previous interactions more intimate than a simple holding of the hand. But the feel of their hand on his was still precious, and he was almost too late to stop himself from tripping over the elf when they stopped.   
“Listen to me you diminutive insect.” They snarled, glaring up at him. “I am perfectly able to fend off any unwanted attention.”  
“Not without making a big deal of it, and probably not without blasting him. Also,” he added “I’m Medium sized now.”  
Vaarsuvius’ nosed crinkled up in a way Belkar adored, not that he’d ever admit it. The wizard opened their mouth to say something else but the enlarged halfling had had enough. He suddenly jerked back and used their held hands to spin the wizard.   
Surprised at the sudden action, Vaarsuvius lowered their ears. Staring at Belkar in surprise, their mouth slightly agape, Vaarsuvius blinked. Belkar smirked and placed his free hand on the center of the elf’s back.   
The music was aggressive and sensual, a stereotypical tango. One violinist had gotten overly enthusiastic and was leading the song, leaning into his instrument with closed eyes and raised eyebrows.  
Vaarsuvius was clearly about to send Belkar straight to the Nine Hells, so he sauntered to the side, turning the elf along with him in tune with the music. Vaarsuvius seemed to realize what he was doing and ducked out and backwards. With his grip on their hand Belkar spun the elf again, smirking devilishly. The wizard was clearly growing more and more irritated with him, and put a hand on his chest to push him away.  
Belkar allowed himself to be pushed away, but incorporated it into the dance and continued on. He laughed quietly to himself, enjoying himself. Vaarsuvius stared at him in utter confusion as Belkar held out a hand, offering to dance.  
What was with him? The halfling was never this nonsensical… But it was hard to ignore the genuine smile he wore –something that was rarely if ever without an evil connotation. This one was… happy. The most innocent he could possibly be. Hesitantly, and with a glance to see if the ‘Randolph’ man was still watching, they took his hand gently.


	2. Chapter 2

Vaarsuvius was pulled close, their free hand lay against his chest. Belkar put his hand on their back and the two began awkwardly shuffling about. Vaarsuvius –having no clue as to how to dance- tried to step towards him with their left foot but instead ended up tripping over the halfling’s foot, eliciting a hiss of pain from the green-vested ranger.

Looking down at their mistake, Vaarsuvius pulled their foot away only to find their dance partner was barefooted. ”Bitterleaf!” They scolded him in a whisper. “Why are you not wearing the appropriate attire? This is a wedding –shoes are a requirement.”

“Look, just because I look like a human doesn’t mean I have to dress like one.” He continued leading Vaarsuvius along, their hands held out in front of them. Thankfully nobody had heard him, as he was able to speak quietly due to being so close to Vaarsuvius.

“Should this disgrace of a dance continue you shall soon wish you had.” To demonstrate their point they stepped on his foot again.

Another hiss of pain and Belkar glared at the wizard, who smirked smugly. Vaarsuvius absently noticed the lights faintly dim as the music loudened. Belkar met the smirk with one of his own and attempted to lead the dance gain.

It was growing more aggressive –more poised- this dance. Both glaring into each other’s eyes, they began to set into a rhythm of step one-two-three, one-two-three. Vaarsuvius lent themself to Belkar’s twirls and flings, and Belkar in turned smiled as he watched the elegant display of white silken robes and swirling purple hair. The music seemed to dull in his ears, his eyes glossed over, and his smile softened as he watched the elf.

Vaarsuvius’s narrowed eyes did not see this, instead they glared into his chest, keeping watch out of the corner of their eye for that Randolph fellow. Halfway paying attention, Vaarsuvius numbly felt themselves being pulled close and didn’t seem to realize this until they were pressed up against his chest and held in something resembling an embrace. Blinking in surprise they looked up at the halfling with widened eyes.

He was very strong, his arms held them securely to him and his chest –even through the sweater vest- was toned and broad. He looked quite dashing if you were into that sort of thing. He was glaring murderously at something out of Vaarsuvius’s peripheral vision. Vaarsuvius turned to see what he was glaring so angrily at, but Belkar turned the two of them around, blocking the wizard’s view.

Vaarsuvius cleared their throat, gaining Belkar’s attention .The halfling looked down at the wizard against his chest and instantly paled. He seemed to have not realized the elf was so close, and this gave him pause.

Seeing Belkar hesitate surprised Vaarsuvius. Or perhaps it was the way his eyes bore into theirs. Blinking, the wizard stared back. The two watched each other for what seemed to be an eternity, until Belkar tore his eyes away, clearing his throat in embarrassment. Vaarsuvius’s ears lowered and their eyes softened. The music lightened into a more soothing, less exciting tone. The two nonhumans sensed the shift in environment and slowed their movements. Swallowing a lump in his throat, Belkar went to spin Vaarsuvius again. He then drew them close so their back was against him. Vaarsuvius looked up over their shoulder at him and Belkar had to fight to stay in control of himself. Fighting back the heat he felt rising in his cheeks he spun the wizard around again to save himself.

Vaarsuvius seemed to be taking care to not step on his feet, and Belkar in turn seemed to be growing more gentle. The music began to pick up a little and Belkar stepped forward, taking the wizard by surprise. As Vaarsuvius fell backwards they threw their hands around Belkar’s neck to catch themself. The two froze now in a dipped position. Time seemed to slow as the two stared at each other, both their faces fearful and anxious. They could feel each other’s’ breath as they stood frozen in time.

Slowly, hesitantly, the two regained their composure. Belkar slowly leaned back, pulling Vaarsuvius up into a stable position. The two stood chest to chest, Vaarsuvius’s hands slid down to his chest slowly and Belkar’s hands pulled the wizard closer. The two began to close their eyes and leaned in slowly.

The elf’s ears twitched and they –ever alert- snapped their head to the side. Belkar sensed the movement and opened his eyes.

The lights had gone out completely. Everything was pitch dark.

Belkar felt his grip on the wizard slacken as he was completely lost in the darkness. He felt a hand slide off his chest and take his hand. Vaarsuvius began leading him –rather quickly- through the confused crowd. Bumping into random people and almost tripping multiple times, Belkar found himself jealous of Vaarsuvius’s darkvision.

He heard the elf murmur something under their breath, almost sounding like ‘light’. Not a moment later the room was illuminated as the floor dimly lit up in a circle around them. The confused guests looked about in a panic, though Vaarsuvius kept charging through them with Belkar in tow.

Now Belkar could see what Vaarsuvius was going towards- down the aisles was a hunched over figure and a fleeing figure.

“Hold Person!” They yelled, shooting a ray of pink energy from their finger. Belkar watched as the beam missed its target and instead hit the stone wall not five feet from the running humanoid. Belkar quickly reached under his vest with his free hand and chucked a dagger.

A shout of pain indicated his target had been hit, but this did not stop the shadow from fleeing into the crowd. Belkar started after him but was held back by Vaarsuvius.

“Time is of the essence; stabilize his wounds with your scroll given to you earlier this day. I shall pursue the perpetrator.”

“But I want to-“ Belkar began to protest, but was cut off as he was brushed aside. Vaarsuvius cut past him and burst into the crowd, giving chase through the part in the crowd.

Grumbling, he hastily pulled the healing scroll out of his vest and –grateful he had upgraded his Wisdom score- cast the Cure Critical Wounds spell on the trembling man. As soon as the man attempted to sputter a thanks Belkar was off, rushing off to assist his elven companion.


	3. Chapter 3

Belkar fought his way through the crowd with difficulty. Since the prince had been attacked the crowd had begun surging towards him, which in turn made it more difficult to advance. He grumbled under his breath irritably “Had I known human bodies were an option I would have taken it as my favored terrain…”   
Finally managing to break free of the packed bodies, Belkar looked about. He cursed his low Track skill and instead found he had to rely on his nose. Thankfully he knew the elf’s scent inside and out and recognized it almost instantly. Narrowing his eyes, he scowled upon the distinct smell of the human they were chasing.   
He smelled foul, body laced in a chemical stench like too much cologne. It was disgusting, and Belkar felt like gagging. He hated the fellow the moment he saw them grab Vaarsuvius. It didn’t help the bastard was staring him down as he danced with the elf. He seemed to have pissed off after Belkar held the elf possessively, seeming to get the hint.   
Having a special hatred for the human, he quickened his trot after the scent of bloody chemicals and magical components. The hallway opened up into a grand lobby, and Belkar looked over at the front doors, which were ajar.   
Rushing out through them, Belkar blinked to adjust to the darkness. Following the distinct trail of flattened grass, he took out a dagger he had tucked away. The bitter wind stung his face and he wished he had his cloak so he could pull his hood up, or at least his gloves.  
A distinct pink light fired from his immediate left, dimming back down almost instantly. Following the cue, he changed direction. It did not take him long to come upon the scene.   
The wizard was locked in a fierce battle with the human, who was now armed with a spiked chain. Vaarsuvius had a nasty gash along their right arm, and a multitude of smaller cuts throughout their body. Their white robe was dirtied with dirt and blood, tainted from its original pure white. Their lips were curled in a snarl, some of their loose hair dangling in their face as they began muttering what was surely the verbal component of a spell.  
Belkar growled quietly and slunk quietly around the scene until he was positioned behind the human. The wizard –too focused on combat to have noticed their companion’s stealthy approach- unleashed a lightning bolt at the human. Groaning in pain as electricity racked his body, he was perfectly distracted as the halfling rushed up behind him and shoved a dagger into his back.  
Vaarsuvius’s face turned less fierce as they noticed the assist, though the relief was short-lived as the human whirled around – his spiked chain lashing out with a metallic whish sound. Belkar shouted in pain as the spiked chain clasped his midsection and tightened, driving the edges of the metal into his stomach and sides. The human sneered at this and yanked on the chain, tightening it further.   
The metallic smell of bloody metal and sweat swelled in Belkar’s nose as he tried to free himself, however grasping the chain only managed to damage his hands. The human turned back to Vaarsuvius just in time to see the elf firing a mote of magma-like fire at them. He managed to only just evade the attack, and withdrew the spiky chain from around Belkar’s body. As Belkar stumbled backwards to the ground the human shot the chain out at Vaarsuvius.   
The wizard’s eyes widened and they flicked their hand up, yelling “ForceCage!” A pink grid-like box surrounded the human, with the spiked chain hitting the wall of it just short of Vaarsuvius.   
Spatting out blood, the wizard dusted themself off and took a deep breath. The human banged on the walls of the cage with his chain furiously, but the elf ignored this and walked past. They approached Belkar, who had not yet bothered to get up, and extended a hand down at him.  
Blinking in surprise, the halfling took it. Helping Belkar up, the wizard looked at his cut up sweater vest and the blood trickling down it. “I pray that wasn’t a rental vest.”  
Belkar let out a pained chuckle and smirked. “What about you, you look like shit.”  
“Thank you.” They deadpanned, brushing a stray strand of hair out of their face. “I take it you have stabilized the noble?”  
“Yeah.” He nodded, then looked over at the caged human, who was still hacking away at the bars and shouting angry threats that fell on deaf ears. “He give you much trouble?”  
“Do you wish to imply his challenge rating of four was too high for me to overcome?” The elf’s eyes narrowed.  
“Okay, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t four.” Belkar raised an eyebrow. “Now what, we gonna leave him here?”  
“I am unsure. Instructions were to simply prevent the noble’s murder. We have accomplished our task as is.” They looked back at the human with lowered ears, eyes cold with malice.   
“Well then nobody will know if we kill him in cold blood now, will they?” He sneered, approaching the ForceCage.  
“Bitterleaf.” Vaarsuvius’s voice followed him. “You need not, I will simply contact the remaining members of our party and they shall decide his fate.”  
“C’mon, Ears, aren’t you even a little mad? This guy tried to take you a-“ He stopped himself quickly, the words catching in his throat as he realized what he had almost said.  
“I did not take kindly to his advances on my person, though should that be a sentence for death I find you would already be deceased.”  
Shutting his eyes and growling under his breath, he had to admit the wizard had a point. But that was different, he told himself. That human had no right to come onto Vaarsuvius like that. To claim them.   
Because Vaarsuvius?   
They were his.   
Looking over at the elf he took a moment to check them. They looked tired and worn out, yet still retained their grace. Their injuries were starting to take their toll, as the wizard’s eyes were dulling and closing. Vaarsuvius was teetering ever so slightly, and they were unusually drained of color.  
Belkar’s gut felt like it had an ice block in it. Or maybe that was the internal bleeding he was suffering as a result of that chain. Regardless, his face softened for a moment. “Hey. You okay?”  
Vaarsuvius looked slightly surprised at the question and blinked a couple of times, seemingly to focus them. “Well… You can clearly see my various wounds, but I shall live. I appreciate your assistance.”  
“We should get Durkon to take a look at you before you pass out.”  
“I can assure you, I am perfectly capable of…” The wizard’s eyes fluttered shut and Belkar had to rush forward to catch them as they teetered over to one side and gravity began to take them.   
Belkar lunged forward and caught them carefully against his chest, his cheeks heating up as the wizard gasped in his ears. Belkar took the elf by the shoulders and lowered them to the ground gently so they would be in a more stable and safe position. “Hey, I thought you said you were good!”   
“I am …perfectly…” They murmured incoherently.  
Belkar cursed. The elf must have lost more blood than he thought. Then again, their arm was pretty much in two. With a sigh he wriggled his arm under the elf’s legs and supported their head against his shoulder. He stood up, holding the elf bridal style, and looked back one more time to the captive human.   
He felt a thin fist hit his chest weakly. Looking back down he saw Vaarsuvius with barely opened eyes protesting to be put down. “I have informed you, I am perfectl-“   
“No you’re not. Now shut up and let me handle this.” He shot back, readjusting his grip and –ignoring the agonizing pain in his stomach- set off back towards the wedding. The elf continued their protests, but now –too weak to speak audibly- they resorted to lifting an arm and holding onto his ear in what would be an attempt to pull it if it wasn’t such a pathetic attempt.  
It didn’t bother Belkar, if barely pulling his ear was his punishment he considered himself lucky. Eventually the elf let their arm fall and Belkar tucked it over their chest.   
The elf was so light, it was incredible. Maybe he was just imagining it, but it almost felt like they were curling up in his arms. They were so vulnerable, so… fragile. He almost wished he had some gum to stick in their hair, but just almost. There was something about this… it felt like Vaarsuvius was trusting him. Trusting him to protect them. Trusting them to keep them safe.  
Trusting him with their life.  
Swallowing the lump that formed in his throat at that, he cradled the elf a little closer. He could have sworn he heard a small moan of content from the elf, but upon looking down at them he found they were fast asleep. Perhaps he was suffering a little bit of loopiness from his blood loss too.  
If the elf had passed out that meant he didn’t have much time left. He quickened his pace and was relieved to see the lights of the event in the distance.   
“Thar he be!”  
Belkar looked over at the sound of a familiar –if obnoxious- voice. Durkon hobbled over with widened eyes. “Thor’s beard, what ‘appened ta ye?”  
“We kicked ass, as usual.” Belkar shrugged, suddenly realizing that he would have to put Vaarsuvius down and stalling to delay the moment he would have to release the warm bundle of robes curled up against his chest.  
“C’mere, lad. Lemme heal ye.” Durkon held out his holy symbol and cast Heal Moderate Wounds on Belkar, then Cure Critical Wounds on Vaarsuvius.  
The elf’s eyes flickered open slowly, and they looked up to meet Belkar’s eyes in confusion. After a moment that confusion turned to shock and the wizard realized their compromising position curled up contently in Belkar’s arms. Quickly turning their head to look at Durkon, they paled.   
“Ye alright, lass? Er, lad?” Durkon didn’t seemed put off at all by their reaction.  
“Y-Yes.” The elf eventually managed to choke out.  
“Good. I’ll get Roy ‘n the others and go git that man. Ye need to rest.”   
“V…very well.” Vaarsuvius looked dazed still.  
Durkon headed off in a rush, armor clanking as he disappeared.   
The two were silent.  
“So… um…” Belkar started.  
Vaarsuvius looked back to him. They were being held so securely, so closely. His arms were strong and his chest broad. They almost didn’t notice the way they had their hands against him. Taken aback, they blinked. “I.. appreciate your assistance.” They whispered.   
“Yeah.” Belkar couldn’t think of what to say.  
Vaarsuvius’s hands seemed to travel on their own as they slid up his chest and wrapped around his neck. They felt the halfling stiffen and saw his eyes widen a little. Vaarsuvius let their eyes shut and they rested their cheek against his chest. They could hear his heartbeat thump in his chest, and let out a tiny sigh, hoping the angle they were at would prevent Belkar from seeing their smile.  
It didn’t.


End file.
